When insomnia hits God speaks

I want this blog to be a place where I can be honest. A place of vulnerability. I was reading a friends blog earlier and there was a section that really hit me. Hit me like a freight train really. 

"So why am I not as obsessed with him as he is with me?"

I don't even know how to begin to answer that question. 

I have a relationship with God and I am in love with him, but It's that word OBSESSED. I want it. I want to be so overly obsessed with Jesus that people can see it on my face and in my actions. I want it to be so overflowing that only God can receive the glory for it. But that is the struggle. Making sure the glory is His. I can't tell you how many times it creeps in my mind "I wonder if anyone saw me help this person out." Human nature and Satan just suck. Yes, I did just say that. 

We were not created to live these comfortable suburban lifestyles. We were created for His 

glory and His alone. Created to use every breath we breathe to worship and serve a glorious God. Honestly, some days I sit here and wonder what and who I am living for. I know I am not using every breath God is granting me to give Him praise. This almighty, all powerful, creator of all things, and just plain awesome God is worthy of every second of everyday of our lives. And I don't give it to Him. I go about my days pretty much thinking of everything except how great God is. 

I need to be broken.  

I thank God for his unending mercy and grace, because I know what I deserve.  

I hope Erinn doesn't mind me quoting from her blog, but this girl has a gift! God is evident in her writing and here is a link to her blog that she just started! 

http://gloriouspursuits.blogspot.com/

What is on my heart

Let me start this blog of by saying I am not the most eloquent writer. Like for instance I just looked up the word eloquent to see if I was using it correctly. This blog is mainly for my family, church family, and friends to keep up with me while I am in Jinja, Uganda this summer. I figured I would go ahead and practice my blogging skills and get into the habit of actually posting things. So the posts up until my trip will more than likely be about how God is preparing my heart for this trip.


To be honest with you I never thought I would go to Africa. I have two older sisters, and one of which has a heart for Africa. She has been twice. So my mindset was that was her place of ministry, and that I didn't need to go there. I was convinced I was supposed to be in South America or Asia. To be even more honest I was scared of Africa. I don't really know why I was scared, but I was. It's funny how God works. He takes you out of your comfort zones and puts you in places you would never think of going. I wrestled with God about Africa for a couple of weeks, but in the end we all know who was going to win that match. I struggled with the thought that I was going for the wrong reasons, but soon came to realize that was satan messing with my head. I know that going to Africa seems like the "trendy" thing to do, but like I said earlier I had no intention of going. Now I can't see myself anywhere but Africa. I'm not sure if this sounds crazy to people or not, but even though I haven't been to Africa yet those people hold my heart. 


I go to sleep at night replaying the images of precious kids I have seen in someone's Facebook album or hearing stories from my sister. A more sobering thought that crosses my mind a few times a day is the number 147. 147 MILLION to be exact. That is the current number of orphans in the world. Wow. Really? That many... I can't even wrap my head around that. I get a lump in my throat and my heart breaks when I hear that. 43.4 million orphans are in Sub-Saharan Africa and Uganda is home to many infected with HIV/AIDS. "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27. How can we not help these people? I am so guilty of just passing people by these days, but I pray everyday for God to break me of that. We treat people so differently based on a lot of things. Financial status being one of them. In America we are so abundantly blessed while people all over the world live on $1 a day. We have so much that we are able to work with. I think it's time we start using our blessings to make the name of Jesus known and love like He loves us.